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Children’s law expert Christmas can be an especially challenging time for families where parents are divorced or separated. Children naturally want to spend time with everyone they love, but strained relationships, distance, or practical constraints can make this difficult. With some forethought and a child-focused approach, however, the festive period can still be a positive experience.
Here are my top tips for navigating Christmas after separation.
1. Decide how you’re going to share
Think carefully about how Christmas will be divided. Will your children spend Christmas morning with one parent and the afternoon with the other? Will one parent have Christmas Day and the other Boxing Day? Or, in some cases, might you be able to spend time together? The right arrangement will depend on your individual circumstances, and compromise is usually unavoidable. Above all, focus on what is in your children’s best interests.
2. Plan ahead
Christmas is stressful enough without last-minute negotiations. Try to have discussions well in advance, ideally at a time when communication is calm and constructive. Leaving decisions until the last minute can heighten tensions and make an already sensitive situation far more difficult to manage.
3. Present a united front
Whatever your personal feelings about the arrangements, it is important that both parents communicate a consistent message. If children sense that you are both comfortable with the plan, they are more likely to feel secure themselves. Mixed messages or visible disagreement can be confusing and distressing. Avoid using emotive or negative language in front of the children.
4. Be positive
Christmas is traditionally centred on family, and children may find it upsetting if they do not see one of their parents on the day itself. Try to frame arrangements positively. Reassure them that they will have two special celebrations and that there is plenty to look forward to. Your attitude will strongly influence how they feel.
5. Learn to let go
Resist the urge to control how your ex-partner spends their time with the children. Christmas is special for everyone, and unless there are genuine welfare concerns, it is usually best to allow some flexibility. It is highly unlikely that any lasting harm will be done simply because your children spend time with people or traditions you would not have chosen yourself.
6. Accept that it will be different
If this is your first Christmas apart from your children, it may feel particularly hard. It may not be how you imagined the day, but all you can do is make the best of it. Look for the positives and be open to creating new traditions. Change, while difficult, can also bring new opportunities.
7. Remember that Christmas is about your children
Extended family members will often want to be involved, but after separation, it is impossible to please everyone. Keep your focus on your children’s happiness and wellbeing. If you do that, you are far more likely to get things right.