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Divorce and Children Law specialist One of the most common questions separating parents ask is: “At what age can a child decide which parent to live with?”
It’s often assumed that only teenagers have a say, but in reality, a child’s views can be taken into account at a much younger age. That said, the law in England and Wales is clear – there is no single age at which a child can decide where they live.
Instead, the court’s focus is always the same — what is in the child’s best interests.
In this article, I explain:
- What age can a child decide which parent to live with?
- How does the court decide what is in a child’s best interests?
- How much weight is given to a child’s wishes?
- The role of CAFCASS
- Can parents agree child arrangements without going to court?
- How should children be involved in decisions?
What age can a child decide which parent to live with?
Legally, a child can make their own decision about where to live from the age of 16, unless there is an existing Child Arrangements Order stating otherwise. In some circumstances, that order may remain in force until the child turns 18.
For children under 16, the decision is not theirs alone. If parents cannot agree, the matter may be decided by the court.
When considering any dispute about living arrangements, the court applies the welfare principle under Section 1 of the Children Act 1989. This means the child’s welfare is the court’s paramount consideration.
How does the court decide what is in a child’s best interests?
To decide what is in a child’s best interests, the court considers the welfare checklist, which includes:
- The child’s wishes and feelings, considered in light of their age and understanding
- Their physical, emotional and educational needs
- The likely effect of any change in circumstances
- The child’s age, sex, background and relevant characteristics
- Any risk of harm the child has suffered or may suffer
- The ability of each parent (or other relevant person) to meet the child’s needs
- The range of powers available to the court
While a child’s wishes are important, they are only one factor in the overall decision.
How much weight is given to a child’s wishes?
There is no fixed age at which a child’s views become decisive. However, as a general rule:
- Younger children – their wishes may be heard, but usually carry limited weight
- Older children and teenagers – their views are taken more seriously, particularly if they can explain their reasons clearly
- Mature teenagers – it is increasingly unlikely a court will go against their wishes unless there are safeguarding concerns
Ultimately, the court will look at why a child holds a particular view and whether it appears to be freely expressed or influenced by a parent.
The role of CAFCASS
In most court proceedings involving children, the judge will ask for assistance from CAFCASS (Children and Family Court Advisory and Support Service). A CAFCASS officer may:
- Speak with both parents
- Speak with the child (if appropriate)
- Observe family dynamics
- Prepare a report with recommendations for the court
Children are not usually expected to attend court. Instead, CAFCASS professionals speak to them in an age-appropriate way and feed their views back to the court.
While a child’s wishes are important, CAFCASS must balance these against all other welfare factors.
See also: Will a judge go against a CAFCASS report?
Can parents agree child arrangements without going to court?
Yes, absolutely — and in most cases, this is encouraged. Parents are expected to try to agree child arrangements between themselves wherever possible, whether informally or with the help of mediation. However, involving children in these discussions must be handled with care. In particular, parents should avoid:
- Asking a child to “choose” between parents
- Discussing arrangements in an emotionally charged way
- Pressuring the child to take sides
- Asking the same questions repeatedly
This can place an emotional burden on the child and damage their relationship with one or both parents.
How should children be involved in decisions?
Research shows that children benefit from feeling heard, even if the final decision is not entirely what they wanted. When handled properly, involving children can lead to better long-term outcomes and healthier relationships with both parents.
One effective option is child-inclusive mediation. This involves:
- A specially trained family mediator
- Speaking to the child separately (with parental consent)
- Feeding back the child’s views neutrally
- Helping parents reach a child-focused agreement
This process is often far less stressful than court proceedings and helps ensure the child’s voice is heard safely.
Discover more about our Family Mediation Service
Key takeaways
Where a child lives is often a sensitive issue for separating parents. The key points to understand are:
- There is no fixed age at which a child can decide where they live
- From 16, a child can usually choose for themselves
- For younger children, the court decides based on best interests
- A child’s wishes are important but not decisive
- Courts and CAFCASS focus on welfare, not preference
- Mediation can be a constructive alternative to court
Frequently asked questions
At what age can a child legally choose which parent to live with in the UK?
In England and Wales, a child can usually choose where to live from the age of 16, unless there is a court order in place. Before that age, the decision is made by the parents or, if they cannot agree, by the court based on the child’s best interests.
Can a child under 16 decide where they want to live?
A child under 16 cannot legally decide where they live, but their wishes may still be taken into account. The older and more mature the child, the more weight their views are likely to carry — particularly if they can explain their reasons clearly.
Will a judge listen to what my child wants?
Yes. The court will consider a child’s wishes as part of the welfare assessment. However, those wishes are only one factor and must be balanced against the child’s safety, emotional wellbeing, and long-term needs.
Does a child have to go to court to give their views?
Usually not. In most cases, the court asks CAFCASS to speak to the child instead. A CAFCASS officer will talk to the child in an age-appropriate way and report their views to the judge, so the child does not have to attend court.
At what age does a child’s opinion carry the most weight?
There is no fixed age, but generally:
- Children aged 10–12 may have some influence
- Teenagers’ views are taken more seriously
- From 16, a child’s wishes are usually decisive
The court will always consider maturity and whether the child has been influenced by a parent.
Can my child refuse to see the other parent?
A child cannot legally decide to stop seeing a parent on their own, especially if a court order is in place. However, if an older child strongly objects, the court will carefully consider the reasons and whether forcing contact would be in their best interests.
What if parents disagree about where the child should live?
If parents cannot agree, they may need to:
- Try mediation
- Seek legal advice
- Apply to the court for a Child Arrangements Order
The court will then decide based on the child’s welfare, not the parents’ wishes.
Is mediation better than going to court?
In many cases, yes. Mediation can:
- Reduce conflict
- Help parents focus on the child
- Avoid the stress and cost of court
- Allow children’s views to be heard safely
Some families also choose child-inclusive mediation, where a trained mediator speaks directly with the child (with parental consent).
Can a court order force a teenager to live somewhere they don’t want to?
In practice, courts are very reluctant to force older teenagers to live somewhere against their wishes, unless there are serious welfare concerns. Enforcement becomes increasingly difficult as children approach adulthood.